I'm officially in the taper period for my 5th marathon. This isn't my first rodeo. Or second. And yet... it feels just like the first time.
Nerves. Palms sweaty. Butterflies. Fear that I'll fail. Or fall short.
I'm well aware that I'm driving the people closest to me batshit crazy with my insanity. I'm aware that I'm being a neurotic bitch who is lacking in confidence. I know that I'm in need of constant reassurance and support. I know it and yet... there it is anyways. The filters are off, and all that is visible is the raw ugliness of my insecurities.
To those of you who I am talking about in that last paragraph- I'm sorry. I love you. And we all know that this will pass. Eventually. Until then- blah blah blah. Feel free to kick my ass (and know that when you do, I'll probably cry in a corner and wonder if you still love me. hahahaha. but seriously. I will.)
I've tried to distract myself with playlisting (worked for about 20 minutes... though I now have a seriously kick ass playlist!)... working out (and now my arms are toast)... relaxing in the hottub (only ended up overthinking life, love AND running)... and now blogging.
I know the cure for this insanity. 26.2 miles of pure adrenaline. Pain. Endurance. And seeing what this body can do- again. 26.2 miles to reflect on the batshit insanity until there is nothing left but a pure and clean soul. Running for 4.5 hours has a way of leaving you that way.
12 days until the OC Marathon. 12 more days of taper insanity.
I'm so f*cked.