I read once that running is 90% mental, and the rest is in your head. Well, I can say that I belive that- utterly and completely.
The past few weeks I have felt my legs getting heavy. I assumed it was because we (coach and I) are amping up my miles, and this was a side effect of that. But... when even the stupid little 5 milers were damned near agonizing, it was time to look at the whole picture.
Looking at yourself in a 360 degree view isn't flattering. Not in a mirror, and not emotionally. Yuck!
In the last 3 months I have endured the job from hell (complete with 60+ hour work weeks!), a rough stretch in love, lost my husband's grandma, a few health scares and we lost a pet last night.
It's a lot. And it (literally) weighs heavily on me. Funny how THIS weight is harder to run with than the 100+ lbs I've lost. To be shit-faced honest, I'd rather put a fat suit on and run than carry this stuff. The fat suit is visible, and people give you space with that. The emotional stuff is invisible... even to us.
Maybe owning this crap will help me release it. Maybe.
F*ck you, old job
F*ck you, love crap
and f*ck you, health drama...
I can't bring myself to tell my grief to f*ck off quite yet. Maybe someday. Maybe. ;)