Lead legs? Nah.

I read once that running is 90% mental, and the rest is in your head. Well, I can say that I belive that- utterly and completely.

The past few weeks I have felt my legs getting heavy. I assumed it was because we (coach and I) are amping up my miles, and this was a side effect of that. But... when even the stupid little 5 milers were damned near agonizing, it was time to look at the whole picture.

Looking at yourself in a 360 degree view isn't flattering. Not in a mirror, and not emotionally. Yuck!

In the last 3 months I have endured the job from hell (complete with 60+ hour work weeks!), a rough stretch in love, lost my husband's grandma, a few health scares and we lost a pet last night.

It's a lot. And it (literally) weighs heavily on me. Funny how THIS weight is harder to run with than the 100+ lbs I've lost. To be shit-faced honest, I'd rather put a fat suit on and run than carry this stuff. The fat suit is visible, and people give you space with that. The emotional stuff is invisible... even to us.

Maybe owning this crap will help me release it. Maybe.


F*ck you, old job
F*ck you, love crap
and f*ck you, health drama...

I can't bring myself to tell my grief to f*ck off quite yet. Maybe someday. Maybe. ;)
3 Responses
  1. Shannon Says:

    I hope it all gets better for you really soon! So sorry to hear that you're going through so much.

  2. Reading this post, I couldn't help but be drawn to and struck by your "Like water..." post below. If it were me, I'd read that post over and over again if I was feeling like you currently are, just to remind myself how good it can really be. *hugs*

  3. Whitney Says:

    Wow, your post reminds me of what i have been going threw this past week. The emotional baggage is more damaging and holds you back much more then the physical. I know i can push threw any physical problem,but when the emotional knocks you down it's harder to keep your head up.